Good Woman Blues Read online

  “How you doin’ out here?” Her aunt Darlene let the screen door bump shut. She put both hands on her generous size-twelve hips.

  Erikka looked up at her. “Good.”

  “Your cousins Sharia and Joy want to visit again tomorrow,” Darlene said.

  ‘Tell them I won’t be here.” Erikka glanced at Darlene.

  “I’m not going to lie.” Darlene pursed her lips.

  “You won’t be lying. If those two come, I’m heading out.” Erikka hissed out air. “You know how they are. They just want to get up in my business. Gossips. They only came last week to get all the dirty details.”

  “Maybe you’re right. Still, they’re family.”

  Darlene dragged a chair closer to her and sat down. Her forty-four-year-old aunt looked thirty-five. All of her five nieces and six nephews called her Darlene. She crossed her showgirl legs and carefully arranged the skirt of her sundress. More men waved. Pickup trucks didn’t zip by quite as fast if males were at the wheel. Looking young and fine was the curse of women in their family; at least that was what Erikka’s grandfather, Paw Paw Jules, always said. No more worries about that for her, Erikka mused, and touched her face. To avoid the painful puzzle of her own life, Erikka decided to explore Darlene’s.

  “It’s Friday night, and you’ve been babysitting me for days. Go out on a date like usual or something.” Erikka hoped her subtle probe would strike pay dirt. It didn’t.

  A nice-looking man with gray hair pulled up. The polished surface of his late-model red Lincoln Town Car sparkled. He flashed a wide grin that just barely included Erikka. “Afternoon, ma’am. How you doin’, Darlene?”

  “Fine, and you, Harry?” Darlene’s tone said her question was asked out of politeness.

  “Real good. See ya later.” His glance slipped down to Darlene’s bare legs as he drove off.

  “You sit out here all day like that, the sheriff is going to declare you a traffic hazard.” Erikka waved a hand at Darlene’s shapely legs.

  “Smart-ass.”

  “Inherited it from you,” Erikka tossed back.

  “You’re not doing too bad. That was sure nice of your boyfriend to send flowers.” Darlene gestured toward the inside of the house. A vase of pink roses with a card from Vaughn sat on the mantel.

  “Those are ‘let’s be friends, but don’t call me’ flowers.” “Oh,” was all Darlene said, and waited.

  “I don’t care.”

  “Okay.” Darlene glanced at her sideways, and then looked away.

  “I wasn’t thinking bridal registry or anything like that,” Erikka said, forcing the admission through her lips. “A teeny-weeny bit of loyalty would have been nice.”

  Erikka cared. Theirs was no grand romance, but Vaughn could have at least stuck around for a month or two longer. If she examined it closely enough, Erikka knew the deal. They looked good on each other’s arms and liked being one of the “hot” couples. They wore the right clothes, went to popular restaurants, and had rising careers. Pretty superficial when she faced it head-on. Vaughn started putting distance between them after he found out Erikka was in a psychiatric hospital. The last time they spoke he’d spent more time explaining how busy he was than asking how she was feeling. Erikka couldn’t pretend surprise when his phone calls stopped. One month and two days ago, not that she was counting. She missed the idea of them more than she missed Vaughn’s company. Without thinking, she touched her face again. No, Vaughn would not be calling.

  “You all right over there?”

  “Uh-huh. Just getting used to all this country air.” Erikka gave thoughts of Vaughn and their empty union a firm shove. She sniffed in the aroma of soggy grass, hot pavement, and manure. “Not exactly fresh.”

  “Don’t complain. Being out here is just what you need.” “I’ll take your word for it. Hey, Leroy,” Erikka yelled, and fluttered her fingertips at a big white Silverado with sunlight bouncing off its chrome bumpers.

  Darlene flipped a hand without paying much attention to the occupant. “That’s Dewayne. Told you to stop calling every dude around here Leroy.” No trace of amusement lightened her tone.

  “Sorry,” Erikka said, and meant it. “I guess after three days the joke has gotten old.”

  “Yeah, it has. And since I’m telling you ’bout yourself, try to be nice to your cousins. They’re just trying to make you feel at home.”

  “I don’t mind Monique coming. She’s not like them or her mama,” Erikka said.

  “JoAnn is my sister, and Lord knows I love her, but—” Darlene didn’t have to finish the sentence. They both knew JoAnn spread more family rumors than a tabloid newspaper.

  “I’ll try to be nicer anyway.”

  Darlene looked at her. One arched black eyebrow lifted to show she wasn’t convinced. “Oh yeah?”

  “I promise.”

  Darlene made a clicking sound with her tongue. She patted Erikka’s arm. “Don’t sweat it. You’ve been through a lot. Besides, I know those girls can work a nerve.”

  When Erikka’s eyes filled with tears, she pressed a hand to them. This was the Darlene she loved dearly, tough and tender by turns. She turned her head to stare at the streaks of blue sky turning orange as the sun set.

  “Let it out, honey. Scream and cry.”

  “I might never stop,” Erikka whispered low, voicing the crushing fear she’d had since being released from the hospital. She couldn’t afford to lose control again.

  “What, baby?”

  Erikka cleared her throat. “I said I need a visit to the beauty shop. Look at my hair.”

  Darlene smiled. “A good sign. We’ll go down to Allyson’s salon. My treat.”

  “I couldn’t let you do that.” Erikka easily made twice Darlene’s modest income.

  “I’m not exactly on welfare. No matter what your mama has been saying behind my back.” Darlene stood. “I didn’t mean—”

  “Just accept a gift without us getting all deep. We can discuss misguided family judgments later.” Darlene laughed and jerked her head. “Let’s go.”

  “Now?” Erikka blinked at her.

  “Sure. She’ll take us as walkins. All we need is a wash and set.” Darlene started off then paused when Erikka did not get up.

  “Maybe tomorrow or Friday. I’m enjoying this evening breeze even if is still so hot. Geez, it’s late April and already feels like July.” Erikka gripped the arms of the rocker.

  Darlene watched her for several beats before she spoke. “Sure. No rush. You’re gonna be here another two weeks or more.”

  “Not that long,” Erikka said quickly. “I have to get back to work.”

  “Roz says your boss is real understanding. You can have eight weeks if you need it.”

  “One reason why I didn’t want to stay with Roz. She just steamrolls her way into everything. Doesn’t let a little thing like asking me first stop her.” Erikka let anger toward her mother flare. She preferred that emotion to feeling lost and afraid. “She had no business talking to Nadine!”

  Erikka didn’t look at her. Instead she focused her glare at the trunk of a big oak tree yards away. Of course she wouldn’t be ready. The mere thought of tackling her load of clients, of the stares at her face made beads of cold sweat roll down her back. And anyway who was she kidding? Nadine had probably started recruiting her replacement.

  “I made a few mistakes. Drinking to make a bad day seem better didn’t help.”

  “Neither did almost driving your car into a Winn Dixie produce section. Thank God you had slowed down to turn a comer before you lost control,” Darlene added. “You told the paramedics you wanted to die, Erikka.”

  Erikka squeezed her eyes shut. “No, no, no! I told the paramedics to let me bleed to death because I was a no-good fuck-up. But that didn’t mean I crashed my car on purpose,” Erikka said with force, too much force to sound convincing even to herself. That little comment made them think she was suicidal, which meant a trip to the psycho ward.

  After a few momen
ts Darlene sat down again next to her. “Fine. So, by Monday of next week you’ll be ready to go back to your office?” she asked quietly.

  “Break out the microwave popcorn and cartoon puppies.”

  “Huh?” Darlene leaned forward like a woman with a hearing problem.

  “Might as well settle in cause it looks like I’m here for the duration,” Erikka said.

  Chapter 2

  The next day Erikka went to visit her grandmother, and Roz decided to come by. Darlene knew she’d come to pump her for information about Erikka. Darlene could see why Erikka did not want to live with her mother even temporarily.

  “Quit asking stupid questions, Roz.” Darlene pushed her sister aside and poured herself more iced tea from a carafe. “It’s not like she’s been talking to herself or drooling. No more than the rest of our crazy family at least. Course she did strip naked and eat a plateful of daisies while dancing in the front yard. Does that count?”

  “Great. Wonderful. I’m worried sick about my child, and you turn on Comedy Central.” Roz tossed her handbag on the kitchen counter.

  Darlene settled on the wooden stool at her breakfast bar and watched her older sister pace. Here comes the drama, she mused. Darlene sipped from the glass and waited for the rest of Act One. As usual, Roz didn’t disappoint.

  “My God. Erikka had everything going for her. Why would she be depressed? I don’t believe it anyway. Those doctors just want to drain her insurance and stuff their pockets.”

  “Not that she didn’t swallow a bunch of pills, drink wine, and total her car,” Darlene put in, before Roz could go on.

  “She took something to go to sleep and had some wine. She was stressed out, and she didn’t know what she was doing.” Roz frowned at Darlene as though daring her to argue.

  Darlene frowned back at her. “Accident or not, what she did is a big red flag, Roz.”

  “Has she told you something different? Don’t keep anything from me. I’m her mother, for God’s sake.” Roz’s voice went higher with every word.

  Darlene shook her head. “Lower your voice. My ears are ringing.”

  “What really happened then? She talks to you. Always has.”

  Roz’s expression was accusatory. For years they’d played tug-of-war over Erikka’s affection. Darlene mentally brushed aside the veiled invitation for an argument on the subject. Still, with two boys of her own she couldn’t deny Erikka was her substitute daughter. Malik and Brandon were still in the turbulent terrible teens at fifteen and nineteen. Not to mention Brandon had just pissed her off royally by announcing she was a grandmother. He’d gotten some woman in a nearby town pregnant and somehow kept it from her. For a damn good reason. Brandon knew what her reaction would be. Who the hell asked him for that? Her sister’s impatient foot-tapping on the vinyl floor broke into her own offspring angst.

  “Well?” Roz demanded.

  “Erikka won’t go into detail, but I know she’s worried about a lot of things. The way you and Craig are tripping, for one. It’s a wonder Jaci isn’t on some therapist’s couch, too.”

  “Jaci is doing just fine. She’s only a few hours from her master’s at—” Roz started to go on to list her youngest daughter’s accomplishments.

  “That’s all well and good, but we’re talking about Erikka,” Darlene cut her off.

  “You brought Jaci into this discussion,” Roz snapped.

  “You wanna hear about Erikka or not?” Darlene said calmly.

  “First explain what you meant with the remark about Craig and me.” Roz crossed her arms and went into her defensive posture.

  “Forget it. None of my business anyway.” Darlene had no time to deal with the Queen of Denial.

  “The word divorce hasn’t even come up,” Roz announced with force. “No matter how much my evil mother-in-law bums black candles on us. After twenty-one years you’d think the old she-devil would give up.”

  “I didn’t say anything about—”

  “That’s exactly what was on your mind.” Roz’s foot went crazy as her whole right leg bounced. Perched on one of Darlene’s breakfast table chairs, she twisted her thirty-inch gold necklace with one hand.

  “All I’m saying is Erikka is crazy about her stepfather. Even adult kids are affected by di—” Darlene broke off the word when Roz huffed angrily. “I mean, tension between parents.”

  “We’ll work through it. We always have.” Roz stared hard at Darlene as a warning she’d best agree.

  Darlene obeyed. “True.”

  She didn’t want to hurt Roz with straight-up reality, not just yet. Roz was genuinely scared and puzzled about Erikka. Still, Darlene wondered how long it would last. There could only be so many times a marriage could bounce back. She could testify on that score.

  Roz’s expression relaxed. “Damn. It’s strange having grown children. Can you believe Erikka is going to be thirty in a few months?”

  “I can still remember the day you dropped that bomb on Mama and Daddy.” Darlene laughed, and Roz joined her.

  “Sure wasn’t funny then. Seventeen, head cheerleader, and had one foot out the door to Spelman College.”

  “And pregnant,” Darlene tossed in.

  “Mama cussed in English and Creole French. I’d never heard those kind of words come from that little woman.” Roz shook her head. “Daddy was so mad he couldn’t speak.”

  “He might have been talking, but nobody could hear him with Mama screaming,” Darlene said.

  “A nightmare.”

  ‘Tell me about it. Daddy practically locked me up for the next three years,” Darlene replied.

  “Their strictness probably kept you from making the same mistake. I was dumb enough to believe I was Troy’s one true love. What an idiot.”

  “Sure. I didn’t act a fool over a man until I was grown.”

  Darlene grimaced at the memory of life with Brandon’s father. She’d quickly followed that doomed two-year marriage by enjoying the single life. Malik’s father had swept her off her feet and right into the maternity ward of Lourdes Hospital. Both women were quiet for a few minutes, reviewing past mistakes.

  “Speaking of Troy, maybe he could help.” Darlene looked at her sister.

  “He tried in his own weak-ass way to be a father in the last few years. But Erikka thinks of Craig as her daddy in the real sense.”

  “Yeah, they’ve always been close.” Darlene got up and went to the sink. She rinsed out their glasses and washed a few dishes.

  “Erikka won’t listen to me.” Roz sighed and let her head tilt back. “I’ve tried so hard to understand her. I re-ally have.”

  Darlene decided she was not going to touch that one. “She’s been pushing herself too hard since she was a kid. I guess it just finally caught up with her. I’ll bet there’s some guy in the mix.”

  Rosalinde’s head snapped back. “Erikka has sense when it comes to men. I taught both my girls that happiness doesn’t depend on having a man.”

  “Maybe so, but she’s still human. Erikka is turning thirty, she’s single, and has no kids. Maybe what she wants is a family.” Darlene shrugged at Roz’s grunt of skepticism.

  “Not Erikka. I do know that much. She’s ambitious, smart, and enjoys her life,” Rosalinde said.

  Darlene turned around as she dried her hands on a yellow dish towel. “At least you thought so.”

  ***

  Therapeutic recreation, Erikka mused as she dutifully browsed through the crafts booths at the country flea market. She had wondered when her family would start creating ways to keep her busy and, sure enough, her cousin Monique had picked her up for an outing. People milled around, some eating nachos with melted cheese sold at one of the food vendors. The smell of french fries and sausage wafted overhead in gusts as two large fans blew. Everyone seemed friendly and happy to be out on a sunny Saturday.

  Erikka tried not to hate them all. Laughter jangled on her nerves. Smiles hurt her eyes like glaring lights. Their joy just made her feel like a freak. She’d
known it would be this way, which is why she’d avoided going out for days. At least they had loads of junk to gawk at instead of her.

  Darlene had practically pushed her out the door when Monique showed up. Maybe she was sick of babysitting. Erikka needed to get back to her own day-to-day groove. If she could get up energy to do more than sit on Darlene’s porch watching clouds drift by, that is. She picked up one more cheesy piece of bric-a-brac without thinking. The jumble around her reminded Erikka of how she felt; stuff just seemed to pile up inside her head.

  “That’s kinda cute.” Another shopper nodded at Erikka with a smile, then moved on.

  “Huh?”

  Erikka glanced down at what she was holding. A fat ceramic frog grinned at her. Dark green spots were painted all over its grass green body. She held it out and looked for cute somewhere on the thing. If cute was there, she sure as hell couldn’t see it.

  Monique glanced at the figurine. “Maybe in a so-ugly- it’s-cute sorta way. On second thought, no.”

  “Grandmaman Lillie collects elephants,” Erikka said. She turned the frog over in her hands, examining it from all angles. “Maybe I should start collecting something as a hobby.”

  “You wanna start with that?” Monique pointed.

  The longer she held him, the longer he felt like hers. “Why not?” Erikka found a price sticker on the bottom. “Fred is worth three dollars.”

  “Fred,” Monique repeated.

  “He reminds me of my high school biology teacher. Mr. Fred Franklin had eyes and no neck just like this. We called him Fred Frog behind his back.”

  Monique laughed. “Poor guy.”

  “Looks aren’t everything. He cared about his students, volunteered time to help kids struggling with their grades.” Erikka continued to warm up to Fred as she gazed at him.

  “Then Fred must have been waiting right here for you. Amazing some smart shopper didn’t snatch up this prize,” Monique joked.